Homesickness.

I don't often get home sick. I don't see it as an emotion in my radar (amongst the limited few I choose to display. However I've been noticing some nights recently that I just lie in bed and for some reason I just don't sleep because it's so overwhelmingly choking when I realise that to be homesick you need to have a home. 

I love my hometown, again the use of the word home is an odd way to refer to it. I could re-label it as the place I grew up which is not only much more appropriate but also a better description. 

It's sunny and beautiful and is part of England's coastal line. It's full of beautiful views, many fond memories and contains some of my favourite people in the world. 

Considering my upbringing was anything but conventional, I've realised recently that I am extremely envious of people who can talk about their childhood and all the wonders they had growing up in a full family without much bother. 

Don't get me wrong, the way I was raised wasn't necessarily bad, a working class family where I was raised primarily by my father has it's perks I guess. But i listen to friends talking about amazing childhood holidays or massive family moments and I've come to the conclusion that by conditioning, I am predominantly a lonely person. 

Again, this isn't a bad thing, however I definitely think it's taking it's toll at the moment. I want to go home, see my best friends and try and recapture what it was that made me so happy about a daft little town where everyone lives in everyones pockets. I wanna see my dad and quite frankly, waking up at 7am to shite news is never a good thing. 

What I think is the worst of this situation, is i am now stuck with the feeling constantly that everyone I encounter is at some point going to leave, and that really is a shit realisation. 

G x