Homesickness.

I don't often get home sick. I don't see it as an emotion in my radar (amongst the limited few I choose to display. However I've been noticing some nights recently that I just lie in bed and for some reason I just don't sleep because it's so overwhelmingly choking when I realise that to be homesick you need to have a home. 

I love my hometown, again the use of the word home is an odd way to refer to it. I could re-label it as the place I grew up which is not only much more appropriate but also a better description. 

It's sunny and beautiful and is part of England's coastal line. It's full of beautiful views, many fond memories and contains some of my favourite people in the world. 

Considering my upbringing was anything but conventional, I've realised recently that I am extremely envious of people who can talk about their childhood and all the wonders they had growing up in a full family without much bother. 

Don't get me wrong, the way I was raised wasn't necessarily bad, a working class family where I was raised primarily by my father has it's perks I guess. But i listen to friends talking about amazing childhood holidays or massive family moments and I've come to the conclusion that by conditioning, I am predominantly a lonely person. 

Again, this isn't a bad thing, however I definitely think it's taking it's toll at the moment. I want to go home, see my best friends and try and recapture what it was that made me so happy about a daft little town where everyone lives in everyones pockets. I wanna see my dad and quite frankly, waking up at 7am to shite news is never a good thing. 

What I think is the worst of this situation, is i am now stuck with the feeling constantly that everyone I encounter is at some point going to leave, and that really is a shit realisation. 

G x

Home for valentines

 quite enjoy valentines day, even if I spend it alone, this year consisted of a mystery card, a Terry's chocolate orange & a Chinese with my dad! My lion is away this year, still I'm 19 I have plenty more valentines days left :) 

The mystery card freaked me a little bit! I've never seen myself and desirable, so I've only had a handful of boyfriends so it basically leaves the options that my mother has most likely sent it to me. however I can't get my head around the writing inside. 

"Who doesn't deserve recognition on valentines day" 

I have no idea what that even means, maybe I'm reading far to much into it, but it had kisses at the end... And the address had my middle name (spelt correctly) but not my postcode!!! Madness. 

Moving on, I'm actually at home at the moment, which is awesome, some kick back time, so I can chill out and do a few things with my dad who is turning old next week at the ripe old age of 51!! Aha! 

I made him a Dorset Apple cake for his birthday... Of which he has already eaten half!! Hopefully I'll be uploading a new YouTube video soon, no idea what on, but I'm half tempted to get some asks on tumblr or even messages on here so people can offer some suggestions. 

Happily I've stuck to my two New Years resolutions this year( I made some in the end!) and I've started reading more and I'm slowly getting Healthy and beginning to lose weight! For anyone whose anytime if there are two books you should read this year, please make it The Fault In Our Stars ( John Green) and Divergent ( Veronica Roth) two books which are being made into what I can already see as being big blockbuster films this year!!!! 

Anyway, this was merely a stop in I'll get back to writing my fanfiction soon hopefully!!! 

G