Relationships 3.0

I should become a guru in this shit. I've had just about every hell thrown at me in the last 5 years & have still managed to come out (just) sane. 

Trust is the foundation of anything & everything in a relationship. Losing that trust can result in agonizing disaster. Unless you ignore your brain & follow your heart. 

I look around at all of the relationships around me, some old & some new. Some people are still in the honeymoon phase whete everything is exciting & dangerous and the thrill overides any genuine emotion whereas some of them are people who have been through hell & back and stuck together dispite better judgement. 

I dont have many answers on how to handles a crisis. 

All i do know is that a key to a successful relationships is the constant run of little surprises to each other, making each ither laugh & never letting the physical flame die out. Because thats when people look elsewhere and grown envious of the idea of grass being greener on the other side. 

My brain torrents through ten billions tons  of shite at a massive rate at the most inconvienient times however the one thing i find useful is imagining your life without the other, if you feel nothing, then run. If you do, then try and salvage. 

Relationships are not quick fixes. My favourite thibg my gran ever said to me was 

Georgia, remember only the best things are worth fighting for. 

I miss my gran. 

Whats, Ifs and Maybes.

I've had a lovely weekend for anyone who pays the slightest bit of attention to my rambling, I got to go home, and spend the most awesome weekend with my friends and as he was introduced to many my 'better half'.
We did nearly got robbed ... and when i say nearly I mean we did get robbed and merely were lucky enough to find everything which had been stolen apart from a Purse. The meal was good, the dancing was good and quite frankly everything was good good good. On the sunday, I managed to get some time alone with one of my friends who I then spent grilling about his life seeing as he is of the majority an enigma of a person and I was completely satisfied with my answers. It made me think though; If I could have the knowledge I have now at times in the past where it could have helped having hindsight, would I have made different choices.

I've spent the good part of a few days thinking about this, and my conclusion... isn't really a conclusion. I have many regrets of things I have seemed to have done in a relatively short time. I regret letting some people out of my life more than others and there are choices I have made which every once in a while make me think about my entire view on life.

I don't mean to hurt people with my choices, but seem to periodically, I think about whether or not I've made the right decision in a lot of things but All i can hope is i'll get some kind of redemption and one day I'll be entirely happy with everything in my life!

On a happier note, My cousin has had her baby woo! sadly I can't go and visit due to having no bloody money so instead I'll grit my teeth, send a card and wait patiently for my final student loan to come through!!!

Till next time...

g x

Homesickness.

I don't often get home sick. I don't see it as an emotion in my radar (amongst the limited few I choose to display. However I've been noticing some nights recently that I just lie in bed and for some reason I just don't sleep because it's so overwhelmingly choking when I realise that to be homesick you need to have a home. 

I love my hometown, again the use of the word home is an odd way to refer to it. I could re-label it as the place I grew up which is not only much more appropriate but also a better description. 

It's sunny and beautiful and is part of England's coastal line. It's full of beautiful views, many fond memories and contains some of my favourite people in the world. 

Considering my upbringing was anything but conventional, I've realised recently that I am extremely envious of people who can talk about their childhood and all the wonders they had growing up in a full family without much bother. 

Don't get me wrong, the way I was raised wasn't necessarily bad, a working class family where I was raised primarily by my father has it's perks I guess. But i listen to friends talking about amazing childhood holidays or massive family moments and I've come to the conclusion that by conditioning, I am predominantly a lonely person. 

Again, this isn't a bad thing, however I definitely think it's taking it's toll at the moment. I want to go home, see my best friends and try and recapture what it was that made me so happy about a daft little town where everyone lives in everyones pockets. I wanna see my dad and quite frankly, waking up at 7am to shite news is never a good thing. 

What I think is the worst of this situation, is i am now stuck with the feeling constantly that everyone I encounter is at some point going to leave, and that really is a shit realisation. 

G x

Temper temper

Its utterly infuriating when you put your heart and soul into something, and for some reason it doesn't seem to be working the same, especially if it was meant to benefit you.

I was always told as a child to think about number one, to only worry about myself, but then i grew up selflessly wanting to help just about everyone i could. 

About nine out of ten time i've had it thrown back in my face and it's the most heartbreaking things ever. I get told that I'm fairly cynical, which i agree with; however its because every so often my faith in people disappears and I just stop caring. 

Apologies about the angstyness of this! Very pissed off and mentally and physically exhausted. And I have a test tomorrow. 

Brill. 

2013.

Since I was a little girl, I have always been told to respect my elders. Namely, my family; Mum and Dad.

I'm a bit of an oddball of society, I was raised by a man once my parents decided to split when I was 3 years old. I've always seen my mother and had regular contact with her, however as I have got older, I've begin to realise that respecting is a two way thing, the age has nothing to do with it.

This is by no means my echo of society, I love my family, I really do, but at times, I struggle to like them. To me that is an awful big difference. I'm 19 years old, I have my whole life ahead of me, yet neither are interested in my life, they don't care what I do, but the moment I do, do something they are the first to criticise. It breaks my heart that they are like that; I'm their only daughter and quite frankly one of the only things they have to boast about, yet they chose not to.

A perfect example is this new year. I work at a harbour side pub; I work NYE just like every other person within the trade... however originally I was meant to be going back to my mothers on friday for the remainder of my break from Uni. Instead this morning I was woken up with a phone call from her saying my father had rang her, telling her to pick my up New Years Day.

I am nineteen.

 The fact that they believe they can pass me around like they could when I was five hurts. I feel sick with anger and humiliation. Maybe I sound very childish and typical tween anger (i really hope not) but this blog is my place to vent as well as be creative.

2013 has been a ridiculously tough year, I took my A level exams, got into university, moved out from my hometown, lost contact with my oldest friends, broke someones heart, fell in love, drank so much that I'm fairly certain my liver is packing up, been on a emotional roller coaster regarding my bodyweight and been through absolute torment and a very near mental breakdown. (literal, not metaphorical)

I wish i could say I enjoyed every moment, however I'd much rather wipe 2013 off as a painful year never to mentioned again, I deserve to be happy and it is time I cut the dead people away from me and start living for myself; not anyone else.

My gran once said to me;

Georgia, You are beautiful, intelligent and exactly the kind of person this world needs, do not waste your chance, grab it and enjoy

 I miss her.
G

MERRY BLOGMAS

Tis the season to be jolly.... fa la la la la! la la la la! 

 Or in the majority of peoples cases, time to find your bank account utterly pillaged and thinking to yourself ; WHY DIDNT I START EARLIER?

It's true. The run up to Christmas is by far one of the most expensive, stressful and utterly tiring times of the year, especially when it is all for one day! Also, sadly enough i am starting to become the age where I can demand very expensive items because i know the exact value of money these days; plus there is a whole new generation of my family who now get their time to be spoilt. 

The presents above (minus a couple left to buy) are the only people i am buying for this year! they are all wrapped, with names & all i need to do now is manage to get them to the individuals safely! 

HOWEVER

As it is a giving time of year, and i'm super organised, I'd hate to think anyone who comes across this blog is struggling to think of what to buy people, so i've come up with a few suggestions for the classic stereotypes of people you need to buy for.

Mum & Dad 

I'm unfortunate enough that my parents split when i was little, therefore step-parents are involved in my share of christmas shopping, however the easiest thing to do with parents is to simply ask what they want! I know! Crazy right? Honestly though, I've done that this year, we agreed on a budget and now my parents won't be disappointed! Its a simple one! 

Nana & Gramps

Ha! Personally, I love the idea of making something for grandparents, even if its just a lovely home made xmas card and then a tub of their favourite biscuits! However, Next do some cracking more adult gifts which will keep the elders of the family tree happy! 

The Annoyances & Brats

 ha! I mean the siblings. Depending on age, younger siblings often know exactly what they want and are often predictable, however older siblings are an issue, to avoid having to do some last minute snooping : Firebox is a cracking website! It holds all ranges of weird and wacky presents which are not only fun, but also show a bit of thought has been put into them! 

Friends & Partners

Growing up for me included spending money on friends for christmas, and even in my flat this year we are all scrounging enough together to do a Secret Santa  so that nobody is left out for christmas!!! However, for the 'special' ones, whether thats partner, husband, wife, or just your good old bestie one lovely website i came across is Not On the Highstreet, it is albeit a little pricey but is perfect for personalised gifts, i bought one of my friends a QR code key ring, the service is brilliant and perfect for those special someones. 

So don't let the shopping get you down, just focus on the one day of the year in front of the tellie with your family! 

G