Here and Now

A friend of mine suggested writing a letter to myself for exactly how I am now, how i'm feeling and then in a year see how far I've come.

Dear Georgia

It's very odd writing to myself. I'm sure when I look back on this someday I'll laugh at how hopelessly awkward I am, and probably will always be. It's not been a great few days really.

I just found out about Kippy (bit painful to write the whole name tbh)  and It really really sucks. I've always had pride in myself that I never really ever get told no. I remember taking my driving test, failing and then not driving for 6 months because you were so angry at yourself.

And I feel like that now, I hate failing let alone at something that should have been so easy and perfect. Maybe my judgement of character is off.

I don't want to dwell cause i'll just work myself up more to be honest. I start work in an hour and have no energy to go. I just wanna curl up, put on netflix and mope. Instead I'm playing Let it go and singing it at the top of my lungs hoping it'll cheer me up.

Everything is going alright with the love life. Matt's wonderful and brilliant and just being his usual self, despite the fact he's having a harder time than most at the moment. It's frustrating that I can't be more help or can't see him cause we've both kinda spent all our money. whoop.

My overdraft has taken a battering, but I keep reminding myself to breathe and it'll be okay, I'm a student, i' gunna be poor or spend money I don't have, I'm just a  bit gutted I didn't have as much as I thought I did.

The no smoking is going well, though after todays news I really want a cigarette, it'll be curious to see if I manage to prevent myself. I can't guess what the future me is doing by now?

I can't think of what else to say. Not a lot has changed apart from I feel a bit not me at the moment, hopefully I'll fix that after christmas, I'll feel like i have purpose and doing ym course wasn't such a massive mistake. I could re-do my uni years but then again.... is it worth it?

I'm majorly paniccing about my future. I have no idea what I want to do with anything. I'm praying I get an answer soon. That would be nice. It might help me get some sleep, 4 hours a night is not helping me!

Until You read this Future me!

G x

Peeved

peeve

informal

verb

past tense: peeved; past participle: peeved

1.

make (someone) rather annoyed; irritate.

"he was peeved at being excluded from the meeting"

I've had  quite a week this week, I've conquered some fears, I've done a clear out and yet I have come away with the overwhelming feeling of an anticlimax.

My friends are climbing Mount. Kilimanjaro for Childreach (a UK Charity) so on Tuesday we had a sponsored climb, where all of our climbing club (and anyone else) could climb as many walls as they like in the aim to overall climb the height of Kili.

Due to my lack of cardio and general laziness, I do tend to struggle doing multiple climbs in a row, however I utterly smashed it on Tuesday and did 18 Climbs in a row, so I was mega-pleased! Overall she raised £140.00 which is good, but we had hoped for better!

After that.... I spent the entirety of yesterday clearing out clothes I never have/never will wear again. Which was a task and half let me tell you! It's only made a slight dent but still if I do it again in a few weeks; hopefully I'll have an excuse to go shopping!

But all of these good for the soul things have been completely overtaken by my mood of general annoyance all week, It has literally been the most emotionally and mentally exhausting week of my life. I made myself a promise that once I came to university, I'd try and act more chilled out and go with the flow. But all I have noticed is that it's just not me.
If I have an exam, I have to study like a maniac overnight, I like to plan things and know exactly what I'm doing, even if its in ten minutes or ten years time. I like things being organised and I like knowing where I stand with people.

I've been having a tough time at the moment, I'm tired, I'm stressed and generally in a state of unhappiness pretty much all day, so I'm thinking of ways to take time out and realised that there really isn't any apart from sitting in my room, hiding away from the world for a few days. I actually had a panic attack over losing something yesterday; what has my life come to?
Hopefully I'll cheer up next week, cause I'm tired of feeling constantly on edge and nervous.


G x

Temper temper

Its utterly infuriating when you put your heart and soul into something, and for some reason it doesn't seem to be working the same, especially if it was meant to benefit you.

I was always told as a child to think about number one, to only worry about myself, but then i grew up selflessly wanting to help just about everyone i could. 

About nine out of ten time i've had it thrown back in my face and it's the most heartbreaking things ever. I get told that I'm fairly cynical, which i agree with; however its because every so often my faith in people disappears and I just stop caring. 

Apologies about the angstyness of this! Very pissed off and mentally and physically exhausted. And I have a test tomorrow. 

Brill.